Malte & Enno

The 2 Minute-Interview

Official debut: For the first time ever, we’ve interviewed two genuine shit advisors aka loo entrepreneurs – and about time it was! Malte Schremmer and Enno Schröder are the mind and heart (and butt) behind Goldeimer – the cleanest business concerning human needs. Goldeimer toilets are used at festivals, are always clean, always offer enough toilet paper, light and a good read. They’re designed to work without any chemicals or water and the remains are composted. The greater part of the profits go towards WASH (Water, Sanitation Hygiene) projects of our friends Viva con Agua. Oh, and most recently the gents have started making toilet paper, too. We shamelessly interrupted the two of them during their Gameboy session in the powder room and boldly asked them about their business.


Name: Malte Schremmer | Enno Schröder
Age: 28 | 33
City: here today, gone tomorrow | Hamburg
Job: Shit Advisor | Loo Entrepreneur
Shoe size: 44 | 46, sometimes 47
Favourite loo: Well that’s a stupid question. Goldeimer, of course!  | Goldeimer without a door and with a view
Contact: |


How do you make money from shit?
M: Years of practice. If you keep trying, you’ll be rewarded eventually.
E: Have a good look at what exactly is needed. People visiting big events would give everything for a clean toilet! So, if you can offer them sanitary facilities that are clean, entertaining, eco-friendly and informative, they will love you for it and gladly pay for a trip to the loo.


Reading, playing Gameboy, surfing the web… what is your favourite pastime on the toilet?
M: Playing Tetris on the Gameboy Color until my left leg has fallen asleep or the rocket appears on the display.
E: Reading and using my phone. By the way, I’m going to give a design award to whoever invents a toilet seat that prevents your legs from falling asleep.


How do explain to your parents that you’ve become a toilet paper manufacturer?
M: We’re not toilet paper manufacturers, we’re ambassadors from a forgotten world for a natural resource that has been underestimated far too long. Pooping was something completely normal in our family. My grandfather was a plumber and I grew up watching Werner movies.
E: Same as the above. I have nothing to add.


What can each individual do to help make the world a better place?
M: Get yourself a composting toilet and tell all your neighbours that you’re now composting your own shit. At the same time, call out a neighbourhood battle to find out who can grow the largest sunflower on the compost.
E: Be aware at all times of the effect your actions have. Respect and appreciate yourself, your environment and the people around you and live sufficiently.


What was the last thing that really moved you?
M: This documentation
E: Thinking of #Clausnitz and #Bautzen makes me absolutely speechless and very angry. We seem to be in a politically tense situation in general with various crises and a large country that will hopefully not vote for the idiot.


What is the most important invention of mankind?
M: The loo. No other invention in the history of mankind has saved that many lives.
E: The dishwasher.


What shouldn’t anyone put off till tomorrow?
M: Going to the toilet. Constipation can end badly…
E: Meetingpeople and having a good time.


Which famous personality would you like to meet for a glass of water?
M: Tony Hsieh from Zappos.
E: How about beer? I’d really like to knock back a few beers with Udo Lindenberg.


What would you cook for us if we visited you at home?
M: A Cambodian street food spin-off.
E: Tortellini or any other filled pasta with mushrooms and ham, Parmesan on top and some good wine.


What are you afraid of?
M: Boredom and stealth illnesses.


When did you last try something new and what was it?
M: I watched Star Wars in a 4DX cinema in Phnom Penh.
E: Tortellini or any other filled pasta with a mushroom and ham, Parmesan on top. Thanks Felix.


What should no one know about you?
M: The Internet really doesn’t need to know everything.
E: Right.


Which question should we have asked?
M: Which three animal or botanical skills would you like to have? My answers would be photosynthesis, gecko hands and making spider’s webs.
E: Why aren’t you a vegetarian yet?


Last Words:
M: Shit is beautiful.
E: Buy Goldeimer toilet paper, ride your bikes more often, be vegetarians and be kind to fellow human beings. Take your pick…


Photo: Noah Felk